Some reflections and advice on cycling training.

1. Dorset as a training ground, is very, very hilly. The man who plots the "Dorset Downs" route is quite simply a sadist. The man who thought up the "five hill bastard" (my description) is a sadist too. (It was Garfy). The person who plots the British Heart Foundation 66 mile event, however, just appreciates nice scenery, albeit with a few bastard hills.

2. Jelly babies and shortbread fingers are the snacks of champions. Powerade is amazing. As a friend recently said; "anything THAT BLUE has GOT to be good for you!" Fig Rolls are also rumoured to be worthwhile, although the laxative effects have yet to be fully documented.

3. Avoid groups of women in Burkas posing for photos on Bournemouth promenade. The headgear that their crazy belief system insists they adopt results in restricted vision and they are liable to walk straight in front of fat cyclists.

4. Don't get or wear a helmet mirror. It'll make you look like a tit.

5. Maintain a positive mental attitude for the last ten miles of a long ride by picturing that pint of Guinness that you're going to have at the end.

6. Try your hardest to maintain that same positive mental attitude when you get to that faraway pub only to discover that a disaffected teenager has to change the barrel.